


I'll Always Burn A Light For You

by CaptainHookness (GhostOpera)



Series: Memories [3]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, M/M, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 06:59:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4338467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostOpera/pseuds/CaptainHookness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer is struggling to come to terms with Aaron's death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Always Burn A Light For You

              _"I'll just take some tea," said Spencer as he sat down at the table and pulled out his book._

_"And I'll take some coffee, just black." Aaron turned and looked over at Spencer and smiled, "Hey, baby," he cooed, "I didn't think you drank tea anymore. You kind of gave that up after a while. After you figured out that coffee kept you awake better - even after you dumped so much sugar into your coffee."_

 

_Spencer could only stare at Aaron, his mouth parted in a silent cry. He wanted Aaron to hold him, to kiss him, to say that everything would be okay and that he was still with him. He wanted to scream and cry at Aaron for leaving him so soon, but nothing could come put of his lips, only the tears that fell down his face. He reached across the table and took his lover's hand, staring at him with wide eyes, "You know.." he finally squeaked out, "We all miss you. Emily came back, too, and she's also having a hard time coping, as are the rest of us. It's.. Been hard for Rossi too. He seems to be a little lost. Don't get me wrong, we're all still doing our jobs, but it seems like every time we talk about a case, we think of you and things start getting quiet. It's been hell without you for me, I can barely function on anything for more than four seconds, which makes me the dumbest person in the room. You are the most beautiful man in the world to me, and I miss waking up from these dreams next to you. I just always hope that somehow your spirit will find it's way back to me.. To us.. I keep the window open at night and a candle burning, thinking that it will steer your spirit in the right direction. Sometimes I worry about leaving the candle burning at night, with the house burning down and everything, but then I realise that it would probably kill me and I would get to see you again, and I'm okay with it, but then I think about Jack. He misses you too, but he's getting better. I put him into therapy with me, because I think it's good for him to see that men can actually show their feelings. We visit your grave a lot, and he asks me about us starting to date and how it happened. I usually tell him to wait until therapy day to hear the stories because I can't even tell them without crying." Spencer watched as Aaron stood up and held out his hand, "What are you doing?"_

 

_"Come on, Spencer. Stop babbling.. Let's go watch a movie. Even though we always fought over movies to watch because we couldn't agree on anything, I'll watch whatever you want to." Aaron ran his fingers through Spencer's hair and pulled him close, "Anything you want to watch."_

 

_Spencer pulled away and wiped his tears away, "I can't Aaron. I.. I just can't. I'm sorry, I am.. But-." He watched as Aaron went over to the record player and put on some slow, classical music, Erkki Sven-Tüür, to be exact, and held out his hand._

 

_"Then let's dance. You know I always tried to get a dance out of you. Just one.. Before I become nothing but a memory." Aaron stared at Spencer, his eyes soft and loving._

 

_Spencer shook his head, "I-I can't.. Aaron, I'm s-sorry, I just can't.. Please understand that I just need more time."_

 

_"I understand, Spencer," said Aaron as he stepped back and stuffed his hands in his pockets, "Say hello to everyone for me. And tell Jack I love him." With that, he faded away, sending Spencer to his knees._

 

Spencer snapped his eyes open and shot up in bed, his eyes filled with tears. He rolled out of bed and miserably stared over at the empty side of the bed next to him, thinking of Aaron when he would sit up in bed and tell Spencer to come back after a nightmare. He headed out into the lounge and looked by the window, seeing that the candle had burnt out. Spencer let out a small sob and moved back over to light it again, looking out the window for a little while before he felt a hand on his shoulder. The genius turned around and looked up, hoping to see Aaron, but he saw Jack and pulled the little boy into his arms. Jack reminded Spencer so much of Aaron, which caused him so much pain, but a comforting sort of pain. He set Jack on his lap and looked out at the stars, "That candle right there, Jack.. That's always there, so that when your daddy finds his way back to us, he'll know where to go."

 

"But what if he doesn't?" asked Jack as he stared out the window. 

 

"Don't say that, Jack.. He will. He loves us too much to stay away for too long. He just has to find us first." Spencer blinked back a few tears and pointed out at the stars, "You know, there are so many constellations out there. There's Leo, Hercules, Pegasus, the Little Dipper, the Big Dipper, and so many more. I wish I could tell you about them all. But we should get you back to bed." He picked Jack up in his arms and hugged him close, "You can sleep in bed with me tonight." Spencer kissed Jack's forehead and carried him back into his and Aaron's bedroom, looking back at the flickering candle one last time. He didn't ever pray, but this time, he prayed that Aaron would find his way back to them.

**Author's Note:**

> I plan on this series having 6 or 7 part to it.. This being the half mark.


End file.
